so i’ve heard the word once and the sentiment several times recently… anomie… i had to look it up [even though i thought i knew what it meant] because it’s not one of those words you hear everyday… it means “personal unrest, alienation, and uncertainty that comes from a lack of purpose or ideals” [[*][]] it also means that as a general statement, but i think as it applies currently it is more of a personal state…

i often find myself in a position where i want to say to someone ‘cheer up, things will work out’ or ‘don’t worry about it… you’ll be alright’ but i find that to be a gut reaction because i like to be in situations that are worry free and have a cheerful air. i also feel, for myself, that i can usually maintain that state and foolishly assume, therefore, that others can do the same… so i usually bite my tongue when i get the urge to dole out these kind of cliche pats on the back because when i think about them [and i spend a lot of time thinking about things i have said or plan to say] they are just meaningless and dismissive… they don’t do anything except convey the message that i don’t want to deal with your problem because it will bring me down and so just get over it… which i don’t think is what i mean [most of the time] but… but maybe it is…

anyways, i think that i tend to live in a bubble where i don’t have to think about anomie and that if i can just stay two steps ahead of the masses, thinking for myself and striving for something meaningful [whatever that means] that is enough… but is it? it’s harder to face things head on… to maintain standards that are higher than those that others set for themselves or expect from you… i’m reminded of a line from Days of Thunder when cole [tom cruise] is runnning his first race [don’t quote me too heavily on this, it’s been awhile since i saw this indispensable piece of celluloid history] and he starts pulling ahead of the crowd and robert duvall’s character says to him something like ‘why are you speeding up?’ and cole replys that he isn’t speeding up, everyone else is slowing down… of course this is verified by the lap times, but the point is that if you are the best [and cole, though new to the racing game, is the best] you have to set your own standards, because everyone else’s are just going to be below you… now, granted that’s kind of elitist and maybe even a little pessimistic, but if you have high values and standards… at least higher than those that others around you are living up to, you have to race against yourself. you will lead by example [if you are concerned with that] and in the bigger picture others out there will recognize that. they will see that in you and pay attention… you’ll know them when you see them because they will be struggling against the same forces…

and in closing, here’s a little note about seeing through the lies that people tell themselves - from your friends and mine… minor threat. when you can see the truth, well… let’s just say ignorance is bliss

in my eyes
by minor threat [*]

you tell me you like the taste
you just need an excuse
you tell me it calms your nerves
you just think it looks cool
you tell me you want to be different
you just change for the same
you tell me it’s only natural
you just need the proof
did you fucking get it?

IT’S IN MY EYES
AND IT DOESN’T LOOK THAT WAY TO ME
IN MY EYES

you tell me that nothing matters
you’re just fucking scared
you tell me that i’m better
you just hate yourself
you tell me that you like her
you just wish you did
you tell me that i make no difference
at least i’m fuckin’ trying
what the fuck have you done?

IT’S IN MY EYES
AND IT DOESN’T LOOK THAT WAY TO ME
IN MY EYES